sample essay grading

Sample 1

Grades:

Analysis of Lit Features: 5

Performance: 6

Language: 4

Total: 15 

The thesis only focuses on the literary features which is the analysis of the main character, Richard III, and his personalities, but it does not include the writer’s own performance part. Besides, in the analysis parts the writer writes almost about Margaret rather than Richard which does not fit the thesis. I assume that Margaret is the character the writer performed. 

For the body paragraphs the writer uses 10 paragraphs to analyze the literary features including wording, characters’ emotions and the ups and downs of the play. The ratio of amount of summary verses amount of analysis is good, since the writer mainly focuses on analysis. 

The interesting part is the writer talks about staging and puts a little graphic on which can clearly show what he tries to show. (Margaret actually is the the writer’s character) The writer describes his/her performance very detailed and also tells the goal of each action, so we can see the process of his/her performance. However, the writer still could add some adjective words rather than simply repeats the actions like “ I cried, I walked” 

Also, the writer does not include in text citations (act, scene & line number) Finally, the  writer does not have a very clear and responsible ending paragraphs. He should make a strong conclusion instead of just talking about where he/she did well. 

Smaple 2

Grades:

Analysis of Lit Features: 5

Performance: 6

Language: 5

Total: 16 

The thesis of this paper is pretty efficient which not only includes the analysis and performance. We can clearly recognize that Ophelia is the character the writer performed, and he/she focuses on the characteristic of the Ophelia by taking some main events out and analyze them.

Organization is not clear, the writer supposed to write the paper in three different parts, since he/she chooses three different scenes to perform. However, the writer does not separate them clearly. This paper’s body paragraphs are partial literary analysis and partial performance, and sometimes both elements appear in one paragraph. It feels like the whole paper is always analyzing the character. Besides, the writer does not talk much about what he/she actually did on the stage but goes back to portray the character’s personalities. The organization is a little bit confuse because it is hard to separate the literary analysis part and the writer’s own performance part. And the reason is the writer uses both “she” and “I” randomly which confuse readers a lot. 

Actually, the words the writer uses are fancy such as “unit-climax” which makes the paper sound very professional, but the writer does not deeply describe his/her own performance which means it is not detailed enough. For example “my movement become more frantic and marked” the writer does not explain how can he/she make his/her movement like that. The writer should talk about how exactly he/she moved his/her body parts. 

The ending paragraph is pretty well and the writer includes his/her opinions about performing Ophelia, and still on the track of making a conclusion of both literary analysis and performance.  

No citation at all.